Over the years, this little piece of the internet has become a bit of a family record for me. Over the past year my life has changed considerably, and I have been trying to find the words to share what I’ve been going through with all of you. It’s hard to put into words what I’ve learned over the past few months. If you’ve been through a major life change, then you probably know what I’m talking about. Since I’ve shared a few things on my Instagram account recently about what life looks like for me now, I thought it would be good to share those thoughts here, too. So, here’s an Abby update for you all. And don’t forget, no matter what we do, life moves on.
April 2020 life update
I kept waiting to see what God had in store for me… kept wondering why He’s made me endure so much pain. Why He’s made me work and wait. I see it now, so clearly. His plans for you are far beyond what you could ever image or hope for or pray for. There has been a huge hole in my heart since my family was ripped apart last year. It was shattered into a million tiny pieces. These little girls, their dad and my kids have been piecing me back together in ways I never thought possible.
I’m so grateful to be here on this journey and never will I ever doubt the mysterious workings of our Creator. He’ll come through, He always has and He always will. But the timing is His and we have to continue trusting Him. I will continue leaning into the madness, the uncertainty of life, the pain and fear and I’ll continue having faith because my past has proven that through these moments of growth there is and always will be a beautiful rainbow on the other side. Today’s looks like these three little angels.
Life Moves On– We’re getting married!!
He took me back to the bench where it all started last year. The bench that we sat on for hours and talked about our dreams, our failures, our hope in a better future, one filled with love and forgiveness. I have so much to tell you! But tonight? Tonight I’m spending time with the tiny humans who are just as excited about this news as we are!
WE ARE GETTING MARRIED!!!!!@mattayhos— I love you. Thanks for reminding me every single day that I am wanted. You’ve given me so much joy and have filled all our lives with so.much.love
Life is good
I am truly overwhelmed with gratitude. We have been reading through your comments and dm’s and just feel so lucky to share this experience with you and really… our lives.
I’ve known social media and Instagram for what feels like forever and over this past year Matt has seen the way you show up and encourage me. Now you’re showing up and encouraging us and him and his girls and I am just so grateful.
Thanks for loving us. Thank you for wanting to know all the things! Thanks for being a part of our lives and I can’t even wait to start planning a wedding with YOU!
My present and future
If you’ve followed me for awhile, you know since the twins were born I’ve wanted more kids. I just felt like someone was missing from my life. Who knew it’d be three people, someone for me and two sisters for my little gal?
The Lord works in mysterious ways. These girls fight like crazy. Mollie and Savy butt heads like you wouldn’t believe. But when they’re together and laughing, playing games and getting ready like teenagers sharing lipstick colors, my heart melts. My soul has been missing them and it feels so good to finally feel whole.
Pictures don’t tell the whole story…
This has been an exceptionally difficult year for me. From the outside I’d assume it has looked pretty magical… don’t get me wrong, it has been ✨. What you don’t see, though, is all the resistance Matt and I have faced together and how hard we fight for our relationship and the people we love. How hard we fight for ourselves. Grief is heartbreaking. It’s sometimes unbearable and always unpredictable. It shows up at the most inconvenient of times.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the progress I’ve made and have wondered what’s kept me going… I’m dealing with some pretty heavy things, as I know a lot of you are, so how is it that we find room for joy?
It was and always has been hope. For me, it’s hope that God has a plan for me. Hope that things are going to work out how they’re supposed to. Hope that the bumpy road I’ve travelled will teach me, and continue guiding me to things truly meant for me. It doesn’t mean complacency or expecting God to do all the work for me either. I have to show up. I have to believe I’m worth the work it’ll take to grow and become more refined.
Getting engaged, looking for homes, picturing a completely new life is hopeful! It’s exciting and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with @mattayhos! He’s THE BEST! It’s also really scary. And really sad. It mirrors experiences I’ve already been through with someone else… someone that I loved. Someone that I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with.
So how do we keep moving when life doesn’t work out as planned? When we lose the job, control of a wayward child, a family member or any number of personal goals we’ve worked for? How do we keep choosing joy? By putting one foot in front of the other and choosing gratitude. It’s making small choices every day that help us feel strong. It often times looks like rest and grace and forgiveness but it’s recognizing that there is and always will be hope to pave the way to a stronger and more fulfilled life.
Going forward, I’m determined to do things differently
When things got hard and I felt the chaos of life and anxiety of struggling relationships, I’d unintentionally throw myself into work. It felt safe. I was good at it and I felt needed. I knew what to do and how to do it.
Starting over, I promised myself I wouldn’t fall back into old habits. That I would always put relationships first. That I wouldn’t take a back seat and I’d work to be ok. To feel peace and to communicate. To feel like I was moving in the right direction.
My friends were inspired and we planned a spontaneous weekend trip to Jacobs Arch. Have you ever been? We backpacked into one of the most beautiful and serene places I’ve ever been. We conquered 20+ miles together and my soul felt alive. God shows up in the details. In good friends and beautiful landscapes.
Life moves fast. It’s easy to get stuck in routines and feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. Stop. Pause. Slow down. Disconnect from the noise and connect with the people you love. Connect with God and the earth and feel the ginormous impact you have. Don’t give up and keep searching for your people, your peace, your answers and make a move.
I’m so grateful to Matt and my friends who have no idea the impact they’ve made on my life. Who can never understand the nights I spent on my knees praying for people who wanted to stay. I’m so grateful to a loving Father in Heaven who has never given up on me. Who continues to answer my prayers when it’s time and who continues to prove just how magnificent, kind and beautiful His power truly is.
Life Moves On….
It’s crazy to think that the world has been shut down for a few months now, and yet, life still moves on. No matter what we do, life continues and time moves on. For good or bad, I’m learning that life has a way of working out. The really hard times I’ve been through have only prepared me for the really amazing times. I appreciate my good days more because I’ve been through bad days. There are two things I’ve learned over the past year, always have hope in good things to come and love is more powerful than we realize. Thanks for following along on this life update! I can’t wait to see what’s in store.