I'm having a really hard time organizing my thoughts lately. I'm not sure if it's because they're scattered all over my random projects or if it's because my attention span is about the length of my three year old, or if it's because so much has changed for our little family so quickly. Gig Harbor is the most beautiful place I've ever been. The people are nicer than I could have hoped. Like the man who could see me struggling to carry my boxes inside the post office while holding Savy and graciously lent a hand without even asking. Or like the woman who may or may not have been in a hurry but stayed and let my kids play with her dog. Talk about a tender mercy right there. Without that fifteen minute break I'm sure I would have lost it. Or like the couple at the grocery store who ooo'd and awww'd over how beautiful my children were and nearly brought me to tears when they said I was doing a great job.
Parenthood is hard! And I know that I need to cherish these moments because they grow up so quickly. But people who say that obviously don't remember what it was like being in the middle of it. It must be like child birth. Who would want to put themselves through that again? But we do. Over and over again because either we don't remember how hard it was or because putting ourselves through all of that ends up being totally worth it.
As I was putting Savy to sleep Boston came in and said "Mom! I forgot to give my little loves a kiss before bed". He proceeded to kiss me on the forehead and then Savy. Sometimes I feel so blessed to be part of my children's lives. And then other times I want nothing more than to bang my head into the wall a couple of times.. or at least lock myself in the bathroom for a moment to regroup!
The rain was pretty awful here in Washington those first couple of weeks. Not so much because of the actual rain but because we just weren't prepared for it. Brian takes the car most days and so we're usually stranded in our apartment. I've felt a little stir crazy, maybe even a little lonely with no one but my kids to keep me company. I'm often reminded of when Boston rides his bike up hills and his little thighs start burning. He usually wants to get off and walk but I always tell him, "when your muscles burn you know they're getting stronger" and he always replies "Yeah Mom, so I gotta keep going so I can grow big like spiderman"! These trials we face, whether they're small hills or giant mountains they make us stronger. And without the pain or the fear of the future or the feelings of inadequacy, we could never grow. I know that God has a plan for me. I know that He has a plan for my family. Sometimes I wish He'd let me in on it! Nonetheless, I know He's aware of my needs and my circumstances. All we can do is wait and be worthy of the blessings so that when He decides the time is right, He can open the floodgates of heaven.
Anyway. I just love you guys. Reading your comments and knowing that there are people out there who care about me is sometimes the only thing that motivates me to keep going!